Marital Constraints

The definition of marriage varies around the world not only between cultures and between religions, but also throughout the history of any given culture and religion, evolving to both expand and constrict in who and what is encompassed, but typically it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged or sanctioned. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory pursuing any sexual activity. When defined broadly, marriage is considered universal.

Individuals may marry for several reasons, including legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual, and religious purposes. Whom they marry may be influenced by socially determined rules of incest, perspective marriage rules, parental choice and individual desire. While the perception of right time to get married is highly dependent on the age of individual, the level of independency has also highly mattered to the people of modern generation. Because, gone are the days when people thought they had to get married for sex or even continue their generation; at least in western societies.

As slowly people starting picking up their regular hustle life with the end of delightful Tihar, when the cool breeze taps the face along with the ray of sunshine that falls upon, this is the time of  Mangsir, the month when marriages happen. For Nepali people, sometimes things turn even harder to which wedding or wedding reception to attend, or keep attending numerous wedding functions the whole month.

But lately this marriage thing has been doing rounds in my head. As the season has slowly got into everyone’s nerves, Terai is no exception.  I wondered how many young girls are being forced into marriage in the name of culture and social norm.

Many of us might not be aware that child marriage still holds massively in Nepal. Nepal lies after India and Bangladesh with 37% of girls being married before the age of 18. (Source: girls not brides) while the age for both boys and girls is 20 and there is no provision of consent from parents in the latest amendment.

I am not very well aware of the hilly areas of Nepal but in Dhanusha, one of the districts in southern belt of Nepal is very highly affected. Often poverty has been taken the answer to the causes of child marriage, analysis of how many generations are pushed towards another level of poverty is very serious one. Girls at an early age of 10 get married before their puberty too. Many of these stories go untold and unnoticed.

Once we came to hear about a girl studying at Gr. 7 at the very rural part of district was about to get married to a guy who was working abroad. We succeeded to report the case and the function couldn’t happen, but after a few days, the family set up the marriage in a different place and finally sent the poor girl off to her husband’s place. The law of the constitution of Nepal at that time read as someone who were indulged or had forced to indulge underage child into marriage is liable for a punishment and in that case the attendees of the function were also bound to certain level of punishment. But nothing worked and the case got dismissed even when locals who went against of the marriage demanded for punishment to them. So, this draws the lesson that even the inherent capacity of some individual cannot stop from such rampant happening. It is equally essential for everyone to come forward to end this heinous act and someone with the legal power has to act officially. 

Imagine the consequences. These young girls are obviously going to be dropped out from the school; apart they are equally prone to various forms of health problems basically on sex and reproduction and to various forms of violence too. It’s because school is the only place where the children get empowered and when these young boys and girls are abandoned from going to schools, they are unable to get the basic knowledge that could at least help them take sovereign over their bodies and lead their households properly.

Of the 18 Sustainable Development Goals proposed to be achieved by 2030, SDG 5 states Gender Equality and SDG 10 Reduced Inequalities This significant agenda is to be reached in every nook and corner of the world; not only parents and religious leaders where they are regarded to have played important role but to the young population to counter various obstacles and for them who choose to marry on their will. Engaging men and women to drop down their views on related subject and offering life skill sessions to children can help end child marriage and empower a just society where people, irrespective of the ethnic group, sexual orientation or disabilities can lead their lives peacefully.

(This article was published on Kathmandu Tribune - Nepal's Online Daily on 19th Nov, 2017 ) https://kathmandutribune.com/marital-constraints-nepal/

What defines Maturity?

Maturity can be counted at various levels. People have their own various perception, attitude, and belief towards maturity. While one may consider the factor to be age, the other may count qualification and the next may count as experience. There have always been contradictions about such topics.

Maturity can generally be reflected on the feature of the face and the structure of body too. And this is what the most people give the first thought too. But the maturity on face and body is affected by multiple factors, climate, race etc. An Aryan kid may look matured at his early teen but the Mongolian kid looks young even at his thirties. Apart, a hunky guy may act childish personally or professionally, while a lean guy may be strict and firm at his decisions in personal and professional life.

Many times this has always been a factor of conflict or joy in the social environment. And there have always been real struggles in various people’s lives to prove how mature one is in his/her life.

Youths are considered to be the nation builder. But can anyone count how many young people are there at the policy and bureaucracy level in Nepal? While the chances of getting into may be at one side, the least efforts of young people choosing to grab this opportunity are at the other side. Because Ban Ki Moon has said, “Young people are the torch bearers of achieving SDGs”

The recent changes in the constitution of Nepal have opened several doors for young people to exercise various rights and fulfill their obligations accordingly. It hasn’t laid back in discriminating people from other minority groups too. There are several genuine struggling groups of people still vying to lead a happy life in all the difficulties. When is the development happening in the absence of Young People’s participation?

As much as there are problems in rural areas of Nepal, there are various other problems equally in urban areas too. Because people hail from a various part of the country in the developed cities in search of better opportunities. Can anyone address and move to solve these issues? Chhaupadi, Early Marriage, Caste discrimination, Bullying, Gender Based Violence and what not at all levels at all places. Everything has a deep cause and every victim of these have a story to tell to be heard and acted by many.

To cope with the real problems and lead the country towards a prosperous future, the world now has 1.6 billion Youth Power (Young People) Are there anyone of us left behind to be aware to solve them by any means?

Or are we letting the aged population to still lead at the higher level and we keep following the age old traditions, policies and etc. So, one is never too late to start and one is never immature to start the journey. They are ones’ leadership trait and the capacity that defines how they can lead the troop by themselves moving towards the path of progress.

So, at any level age doesn’t alone define maturity or the scars, thick and rust skin, mustache, huge bodies don’t define maturity too. One’s intellect and the expertise in the certain field define maturity. One should let the people speak and act before anyone judge about how s/he looks at his/her first sight.

So, with that let’s come together to join hands for prosperous future and celebrate the power of youth in International Youth Day. The theme for this year is “Youth Building Peace”. There’s a famous proverb from Lord Gautam Buddha, “Peace comes from within, Do not seek it without.” So, this is very peak time for youth as change makers to act wisely for any conflict prevention, rather increase social inclusion, justice, and peace.

"War is never the solution, it is an aggravation"

                                            - Benjamin Disraeli

Wish you all a very Happy International Youth Day.

(This article was published on Kathmandu Tribune - Nepal's Online Daily on 12th Aug, 2017) https://kathmandutribune.com/what-defines-maturity/

#metoo

                                                     

Many of us are avid users of social networking sites based on our preferences. But whatever be the site, one can get a lumpsum overview of the users thorough their bios. In earlier days, like every other teenager; clueless and trying to fit in, I copy-pasted some lines which were already written, lines that were already heard to my bio. But over time, I changed and so did my bios. Now my bio reads Student | Gender Advocate.

Yes, I want to call myself a wannabe Gender Advocate. After working for a year and more in the same, I realized there are a lot of reforms in gender aspects the current world is seeking despite great strides made in the same arena. People who came across my profile told me they were very fascinated by my bio. This was when I sensed a deep responsibility to be eligible enough to add this tagline to my bio.

Recently, I was surfing twitter and I saw #metoo all over my feed. Curiosity got the best of me and immediately, I did what everyone else would do. I googled.  I found that #metoo was a movement initiated by Actress Alyssa Mylano who was one of Harvey Weinstein’s most vocal critics. Harvey Weinstein is by the way a hollywood producer who has been facing a lot of allegations of sexual harrasmment and assault from women in the film industry. She wrote; “If all the women who have been sexually harrassed or assaulted wrote ‘me too’ as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem and urged fellow people to write ‘me too as a reply to the tweet.

I was left in awe by the number of women and men finding courage to be vocal about intimate incidents of their lives and coming forward to stand up and speak up on a very sensitive issue.

I wanted to add my voice to the movement too.

After a lot of brain-storming, I found my story to share. One day I was partying with my friends in a club. What do you normally see in a club? Girls and boys sharing their booze, singing and dancing all night, then when drinks and shots start getting the best of them, some start behaving recklessly. We happen to hear and some of us encounter a lot of unfortunate incidents at such places. Some complain how men take undue advantage over unconscious girls. The big question is; how can we remain confident that we dont play victim to such situations and avoid getting someone else into the same?  It’s very essential to know whether the next person is equally comfortable to talk to you, shake hands, hug or anything. This may happen when both the parties are conscious but the same thing must happen when the either of the parties are unconscious too. I would want to believe young girls and boys in today’s world dont drink or smoke to act smart or impress. They do for their own pleasure and this should never be taken sexually and with a wrong intuition. I keep on hearing such stories every other day. One has to always apologize when the things are discovered and shared aftermath and make sure he or she is aware enough to not repeat it later in the days to come.

This is for everyone including me as a reminder to promote Zero Tolerance to all harassment and behaviours that seem unethical. Thus, I ask you all of you to examine how we examine in this world and how we utilize the space of others. Do not victimize others or play a victim to sexual harassments or assaults. 

(This article was published on Kathmandu Tribune - Nepal's Online Daily on Oct 25th, 2017) https://kathmandutribune.com/metoo/